MOVED...

I've moved to Wordpress (I'm more familiar with the features there because I use it at work).

http://repeatbride.wordpress.com

Come on over!

Serendipitous beginnings

People always ask how we met. I suppose it's the question we hear second-most-often, after "when are you getting married?" We smile, blush a little, and say (usually in unison), "At a bar." That's right. At. A. Bar.

I sat down at a bar and had a beer, and the perfect man for me sat next to me.

We didn't know each other before that night, nor did we have a single person in common. I stopped at the local brewery to have a drink just to shut my sister up ("You'll never meet anyone sitting in front of Tivo," she nagged). He declared to his roommate that he was tired of being single and was off to find a girl. We both headed out alone that night, and ended up here, a year and a few months later, living a lifetime together.

I like to think that we were meant for each other. How else would someone just as quirky as I am end up sitting right next to me? How else would a guy with a penchant for breaking into song and dance meet a girl who'd warned her friends that her family often broke out into song and dance? How else would a softie for cats and dogs meet a sucker for puppies and kittens?

Here's my favorite cheese ball on our first trip together to Atlanta, at the Dwarf House (the original Chick-Fil-A):
Here are Miss and Mister Cheese being (you guessed it) very cheesy. See the torn up kitchen in the background? That's his bachelor pad, and this is one of our first make up kisses after fighting about the renovating work we were doing.
And here we are in our new house, showing off our newly refinished floors!
Now, your turn! How did you meet your beloved? Did any of you meet at a bar, like we did?

Planning as practice

I used to wonder why people had very long engagements. I assumed that the time was for practical reasons -- saving money, booking venues, DIY projects.

I've also heard people say that being engaged is a trial period for couples to see if they want to get married. I disagreed (We. Are. Getting. Married... unlessIfindoutsomethingreallyandtrulyhorrible), but that left me without a clear idea of what we would change between us during our engagement. We do, after all, live together.

Of course, all of that changed once we got engaged.

Yes, we will use the time to plan the details of our wedding day. But it's more than that, so much more. Being engaged is an opportunity to grow closer and to learn (and practice) the skills we'll need to be a successful married couple - things like compromising, getting along with our in-laws-to-be, making decisions together, budgeting, spending large sums of money (I don't care how small your wedding is, it's likely to involve larger sums of money than you'd spend at, say, the book store), and becoming a team. Our entire engagement is a rite of passage, and when I think about my task list that way, every item becomes meaningful.

Build a guest list? We're getting acquainted with each others' social and family circles. We're dipping our toes in each others' family traditions and assumptions. We're defining our community!

Invitation choices? We're defining ourselves as a couple -- casual or formal, traditional or modern, spendy or thrifty. How much emphasis (and money) are we putting on something many people will throw away that is also the first announcement of our big news?

Deciding on a menu? My culture and family norms meet his. Mine are a potluck, casual, super spicy kind of people. His are casual as well, but the food is more southern and likely to be takeout. Being from different cultures (Hispanic v. Southern), this is where we'll showcase those differences for our families.

Our engagement isn't too long -- about nine months -- but just right for us. Every day I am more excited, more centered, and more capable of being a great wife for my fabulous husband-to-be. I've learned that you need to plan and save, but also to grow and transition into the couple you'll be... and that takes time. I've learned that wedding planning, while often stressful and crazy, is important and meaningful.

{As a second-time bride, I'll admit that I thought, I've done this wedding planning thing already. Let's skip the drama this time and keep it short and practical. If you're getting remarried, like me, learn from my mistakes. This is a new marriage, a new couple, and a new life. Don't shortchange yourself (yourselves!) or feel embarrassed about having a lengthy engagement or traditional wedding elements. Your past has passed, and you have every right (in fact, obligation) to embark on this journey with new joy and happiness. A marriage creates a new family, and thus requires it's own transition steps, ie: wedding tasks.}

So, your turn. Why is your engagement as long (or as short) as it is? Did you, unlike me at first, consider your emotional growth when deciding on wedding date? Do you, like me, consider the meaning of every item on your task list?

Miss Cheese

Um, hi. *blush* I'm the newest bee over at Weddingbee. !

I told the newly christened Mr. Cheese while sitting on the couch last night, and he was -- proud! I'm not sure he has any idea what this means (yet), but I'm relieved and happy that he's excited too.

Of course, now I have much decision-making-angst. Should I start referring to "the F" as Mr. Cheese? If I don't, this site will flow more naturally. If I do, I can call him "Cheesy" or "Cheesemuffin" or "Cheese Puff." Decisions, decisions.

More importantly... yay! I'm a bee! Miss Cheese!

What's in a name?

Mrs. Hydrangea posted recently about her decision to change her name in a rather unusual way, and it got me thinking about my name decision (ahem, more like a non-decision). Having been married before, I've done the name change thing (and then reversed it). The whole thing was awful. When I first adopted my new married name, I felt lost, like all of my history up to that point had been wiped out, even though I was 21 at the time. Then when I reverted to my maiden name, I was even more devastated. In the years I was married, I graduated and my career really took off. Suddenly, the plaques and awards on my wall were in a different name. "That's not me anymore!" I'd think each time I'd look at them... but I'd left my maiden name so long before that it didn't feel right either. And I won't mention the awkwardness of being congratulated by coworkers (whom I obviously didn't know very well) on my marriage when in fact my name changed because of the d-word.

In desperation, I did the only thing I could. I decided that my real name, my true identity, was my first name. Gone went multi-letter monograms. I'll take just the "M", thankyouverymuch. My last name is evidently dynamic, but my first name won't change.

Now I have the freedom to choose to take Mr. Cheese's last name... or not. He's pretty firmly on the name-change side of the fence, and I'm pretty firmly ON the fence. I would love for my future children and my current pets to share my last name; as a side benefit, his last initial is the same as my first initial, so the single letter monograms are still useful! On the other hand, I don't want to change my name professionally again.

If I worked for a different company, I'd change my name personally but keep my name professionally. {Side note: which one becomes your legal name? If it's the personal name, how do you handle your taxes at work? If it's the professional name, how will you sign your kids' permission slips?} Unfortunately, at my very large corporate employer, your identity is dictated by your tax records. If my name changes legally, so do my email address, IM name, corporate directory, and business cards.

I'm leaning toward changing my name once I have kids. We'll call that the procrastinator's solution. But then I wonder, when, exactly? When I find out I'm pregnant? When the child is actually born? And not to be too pragmatic, but what a mess to change my name while dealing with insurance and doctors and hormones! Ugg, I also dread bringing my personal life into my professional life again by changing my name. I deal with hundreds of people, and every one would have to be notified of my new name.

So, for now, I'm not deciding. The beauty of engagement is that it gives you (me) the opportunity to ponder these dilemmas while not forcing you (me) to decide immediately. I suspect that in the end, I'll take Mr. Cheese's last name, but I'm holding off on checking that one off the list.

What are your plans regarding your last name? Will you take your fiance's name or keep your own? Will you hyphenate or have you come up with some other hybrid solution? Details, please! I'm a practical gal!

Sharing my Hispanic culture

I'm Hispanic. My family tree began in Mexico and my grandparents moved into the US before any of their children were born. Because I grew up in a border town -- about 40 miles from Juarez, Mexico -- I'd always been surrounded by my culture and taken it for granted.

Then I moved away. Suddenly, my friends were amazed at my different-ness (yes, I know it's not a word; I'm using it anyway), wanting to know how to make salsa, what my family eats at holidays, and how to speak Spanish.

Because our families have never met, and because the F's family seems to have the same fascination for my different-ness, I'd like to showcase it at our wedding. At the same time, I'd like to stay away from cliches. Nobody in my family has ever worn a sombrero other than to be silly, and we don't wear brightly colored, swirly dresses. On the other hand, we do like to drink margaritas.

Here are some of my ideas:

• Guacamole and salsa on the buffet. Both are easy to make in large quantities and generally crowd pleasers. I'd pile a stack of recipe cards next to each dish. By the way, I've shared both recipes at the end of this post.
  
• A mariachi band making a surprise appearance at... something. Rehearsal dinner? We haven't decided how to handle that yet. Wedding reception? Maybe!

• A blessing in Spanish during our ceremony. Unfortunately, none of my grandparents are alive. This would be a very personal way to pay a tribute, though it feels a little strange that few of the people attending would understand it.

In the words of Spanish writer, Jose Marti:

In Spanish:

“El amor

nace

con el placer de contemplarse,

se alimenta

con la necesidad de verse,

y concluye

con la imposibilidad

de separarse”.

In English:

“Love is born

with the pleasure of looking at each other,

it is fed

with the necessity

of seeing each other,

it is concluded with the impossibility

of ever being apart.”

Did you use language or food to share your culture with your new in-laws? Like me, did you shy away from things you felt were cliched?

As promised, my salsa and guacamole recipes:

Salsa
To a can of diced tomatoes, add one half of a small onion (diced), one clove of garlic (chopped) or about a teaspoon of garlic powder, one small jalapeno (chopped) -- more or less depending on your taste -- and salt to taste. Mix well. Serve with tostadas. I also sometimes add a squeeze of lime.

Guacamole
The order of what you do is important in making this an easy recipe. Four avocados makes enough for a large bowl of guacamole. First, cut each avocado in half, twist to release the pit, and spoon the remaining meat into a bowl. Add a teaspoon of salt, one clove of garlic (chopped) or about a teaspoon of garlic powder and the juice of half of a lime, then smoosh with a fork until the avocado is the consistency of lumpy mashed potatoes. Add one half of a small onion (diced), one small jalapeno (chopped), and one half of a small tomato (diced). Mix well. Add more salt to taste and black pepper if you like it. Serve with tostadas.

Note that the lime juice keeps the guacamole from turning brown as it sits, so don't omit. Virtually every other ingredient is optional, but I rarely leave any of them out.

Getting to know you...

{img source} Get it? The dogs are getting to know each other?

In planning our wedding, I've struggled with feeling awkward about throwing a party in our own honor. Traditionally, weddings were put on by the parents to celebrate the happy nuptials. That makes sense to me, in a party-throwing sense (certainly not in the whole handing-over-the-woman-as-property sense). It's acceptable to show off your offspring!

The F and I are footing the bill for our shindig, so we're essentially throwing ourselves a party, which feels strange. Call me shy, I guess (there's a first time for everything).

*light bulb goes off*

Or, we can be throwing a party for our guests to thank them for being so wonderful and supportive to us while introducing them to each other! Marisa's people, meet Joey's people.

My family lives in New Mexico, while the F's family lives in Knoxville (as do we). He visited with me last Christmas and met my whole family, and I've met his, but they've never met each other. Our friends haven't met our families, and our neighbors haven't met our friends. We have these amazing groups of supportive people, all segmented. Very sad, don't you think?

A new theme is born: Getting to Know You! {You obviously can't see me bouncing around, but I'm giddy with excitement. It. All. Makes. Sense. To. Me. Now.}

Our invites can read something like:
Because you've loved us and supported us, we'd love for everyone to get to know you and why you're so special to us. Join us as we get married and combine our lives and our people! {Ed note: a little heavy on the "love," I know. It's a draft!}

The RSVP can say something like:
Will you be attending? {Etc, etc}
What's your favorite song? Clean, please!
What's your favorite drink?
How did you meet the {bride} and {groom}?

We can continue the theme throughout... yay!

Getting to Know... The Couple

• Baby/ kid pics - the F loves this, and I have the BEST bad hair day school picture from the 6th grade. I'm always willing to sacrifice my rep for a good laugh.

• Bios. I imagine a collage of little cards with descriptions of us haphazardly displayed ... some way other than a poster board. Our closest friends can write out their contributions and tack them up with push pins. I love push pins.

• Funny/ insightful stories. You know, the stories your family always trots out when a little tipsy and having a good time? Like the time you told your grandmother that she had a rear the size of an elephant's? Cut me some slack, I was three!!

• Our favorite foods as snacks and on the buffet. I love Chick-Fil-A. Tacky? Who cares. I also love french fries (love me some potatoes). The F loves chicken pot pies (swear), roasted chicken, and steaks. I make a great salsa and guacamole that our friends always request.

Getting to Know... The Families

• Clothespin lines with pics of each of our families
  

• A family tree... on an actual tree!

• A special drink named for each of our three siblings (Celin-tini, Rudy-ale...?) or parents. My mom and stepdad love margaritas. My dad drinks bloody mary's.

• Family recipes on the buffet. My mother's mother made the world's best refried beans. My father's mother LOVED Hostess cupcakes.

Getting to Know... The Friends

• Pics of each person as their place cards, attached to an envelope with a personal note from us inside. {I can't find my link, but I KNOW I've seen the guest picture idea somewhere}.
• A song selection contributed by each friend on a mix CD that we gift as favors

• Favorite drink recipe at the DIY bar. I love Fat Tire beer (hooray for finally getting it in this part of the country) much like Mrs. Peacock at Weddingbee (photo by Thorsen Photography). The F likes James Bond martinis -- more in theory than in practice, but still....

Getting to Know... The Neighbors {we have a fantastic neighborhood, and we're all very close}

• Map of neighborhood with a pic of each neighbor corresponding to their address

• Wedding pictures or stories from each of the couples on our street. Many of them are elderly and have lived in their houses since they got married in the 50's.
• A flower from each of their gardens in my wedding bouquet.

This is very exciting! A theme that doesn't require me to match colors! And that is sentimental, meaningful, and fun!

Your turn. Did you do anything special to help your people get to know each other? Any suggestions for how to arrange a meeting of the families when they live across the country from each other? And, be honest: am I getting in over my head in terms of projects? (I do this all the time. "Great idea! Yay! Oh, what do you mean, 100+ hours of work?")