The journey... so far

Gosh, where to begin. On most wedding blogs, brides start with how they met their fiance. However, in my case (and some decent percentage of brides, if the statistics are to be believed), the journey started long before this man-to-whom-I'm-committing. I feel a bit disloyal starting before our beginning, to be honest.

I've been married before. I have been done this planning-a-wedding thing before and the wedded bliss did not last. Suffice it to say that some things were good, some things were bad, and it's hard for me to set aside the worry and just be happy.

I married my first husband* in 2000 and we separated in 2005. We divorced in 2007 after living in separate cities for two years. We had as good a divorce as two people who loved each other can. I still think he's great. He's still proud of me.

After ending the destined-to-doom subsequent rebound relationship, I met my fiance in June of last year. In. A. Bar. Seriously. We were engaged to be married on July 31 of this year. That's my beautiful engagement ring! (I fast forwarded past dating to dating exclusively to my practically living at his house to talking about living together to accidentally buying a house to living together and getting a puppy, didn't I? We'll get to that, I promise.)

I love him. I adore him. I want my children to be just like him. This is the first man with whom I could even imagine having children, and once I imagined it, I could not get that dream out of my mind. I want to build a life with this man. I am building a life with this man. That's the rainbows and butterflies part. He's handsome and kind, loving, caring, hard-working, a big ol' softie for puppies and kittens and babies. He loves me well, and I learn from him every day.

Now, for reality. We struggle to communicate. We are more different than any of my boyfriends (and, ahem, that-guy-I-was-married-to) ever were, so I can't take anything for granted or assume it's understood. Also, this commitment thing freaks me out. He's lived his whole life in the city where we reside. I changed cities every two years and apartments even more often. A year and a few months isn't long enough to know everything about each other.

I worry and I obsess and I second guess, but deep down in my heart and gut, I know I'm in the right place with the right man. He is my fiance and I can't wait until he's my husband.

*I knew that I was doing the right thing, would be okay with this commitment to this man, when I started thinking of my ex-husband as my first husband.